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With thanks to the fine ladies over at Coffee Ring:

Things that make you spit out whatever you’re drinking at the time

The Five Secrets to a Great Relationship

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn’t lie
4. It is important to find a man who’s good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
5. It is important that these four men never meet.

snort